I'm afraid that I am too many things at once - I like too many things, hate too may things, want too many things - it's almost as though I am a living contradiction; I don't make sense. I subscribe fully to two very distinct and seemingly antithetical identities. I can't unexpose myself to the things I have read, seen, listened to, learned, and I can't undo the effect that these things have had on my understanding of the world. At times I feel as though I have lived a million different lives. So few people that share my background have chosen the path that I am on. There are parts of me, of my desires, that are completely irreconcilable. I have managed to strike something of a balance, for now, but what if it is too far in one direction? And all of this worrying about my identity, about how I can live, has caused me to neglect more important things, and to struggle spiritually. But I can't possibly go back to how I was before; I can't be anything that I have ever been.